Six Ways to Make Guacamole – And You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next!

It’s summer, and that means parties and parties mean dips! And with most kids in the United States being born to minorities, there’s no better time to bring some Latin flavor to the table. With these awesome takes on the fiesta classic, you can make a run for the border without climbing over a single fence!

guacamoleQue Pasa Authentic Guacamole

2 Avocados
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 clove garlic
1 ripe tomato, chopped
1 lime, juiced
salt and pepper to taste

Peel and mash avocados in a medium serving bowl. Stir in onion, garlic, tomato, lime juice, salt and pepper. Season with remaining lime juice and salt and pepper to taste. Chill for half an hour to blend flavors. Remember this kitchen secret: leave those avocado pits in to keep it fresh! It doesn’t work, but it’s super fun to be one of those people who has kitchen secrets.

Speedy Gonzales Guacamolespeedy_gonzales

America has the bald eagle. Mexico has Speedy Gonzales. Capture the spirit of the Mexican icon with this muy rapido version of delicious guac, for those weekend days when you have to take the kids to their tutor, dance class, tennis lessons, French enrichment, and anxiety group. Simply replace the two avocados with two cups of reconstituted avocado powder (hint: the less you stir, the more authentically chunky the guac!), the onion and garlic with one tablespoon and one teaspoon, respectively, of onion and garlic powder, the tomato with 1/4 cup Pace chunky salsa, and the lime with 1 tablespoon of Capri-Sun Tropical Zinger. Arriba! Arriba!

Zesty Mock-amole

Food allergies are an exciting way to stand out in a crowd, start interesting conversations, and meet new people. Plus, they’re super trendy right now! Do you know anyone with an avocado allergy? Probably not – which means you can be the first one! When you’re done with this recipe, all you’ll have to do is make up some symptoms. Instead of the avocados, just puree a cup and a half of mayonnaise and one cup of peas in your blender or food processor, then stir in the other ingredients. Sí Se Puede!

Guacamole of Brotherly Love

Do you want a thick and creamy take on traditional guac? Declare your independence from tradition when you add one package of softened Philadelphia cream cheese to the recipe above and serve over strips of beef and green peppers. You’ll be running up the steps of deliciousness and throwing your hands in the air just like Rocky Balboa!

Race Day Guacamole

Nothing says fitness like a big jar of protein powder on top of your fridge! Why not add a couple tablespoons to your guac, and replace the lime juice with a splash of Gatorade? With your Under Armour and ugly shoes, everyone will believe you’re totally a runner!

Locavore Guac

Avocados and limes only grow in tropical climates, meaning that unless you live in southern Florida – which, if you’re not an old Jew or a gun nut, you probably don’t – you might be out of luck with traditional guac. But don’t worry! Find whatever local produce you can mash up and substitute for the avocado. Squash, beans, broccoli – it doesn’t matter, just as long as you can demonstrate how much more you’re willing to spend on food than people who went to state schools.

Be sure to leave your exciting variations in the comments – and remember, guacamole is an easy way to express yourself, show off your adventurous side, and most importantly, reveal your superiority to others! Have a great summer! Vaya con Dios!







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One thought on “Six Ways to Make Guacamole – And You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next!

  1. Franci Hart says:

    As always, fabulous. But you forgot the southern version which substitutes mint for garlic and bourbon for lime juice.

    Sent from my iPhone please excuse the mistakes

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