FAQ on Hacking Your Life with the Sesame Diet!

Is it true that when I Hack My Life with the Sesame Diet  I can eat WHATEVER I WANT?

That’s right! The miracle of Hack Your Life with the Sesame Diet is that you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want!

So do I have to take a special pill or supplement? Isn’t it true that the best diets involve pills and supplements?

You can take a supplement if you want. Some of them are harmful, but most of them do nothing, so if your cousin has a supplement business and you want to throw some money his way, have at it.  Americans spend $5 billion on supplements every year, and it can’t all be a waste, can it?

Is the Sesame Diet compatible with Paleo?

Yes! As you know, the Paleo diet is a nice way to do what you wanted to anyway — eat lots of meat and buy diet books. You can do both, when you Hack Your Life with the Sesame Diet! So eat like a caveman, and enjoy living until you’re 35 – just like a caveman!

So how many sesame seeds do I have to eat?

None! Sesame(tm) is a mnemonic device: Stop Eating SMuch. When you Hack Your Life! with this amazing new diet concept, you can lose weight, feel better, experience higher self esteem, increase your stamina, and save money!

I don’t get it. How does it work?

Simple! Think about the food you want to eat and then stop shoveling so much of it into the giant, gaping, hole in your face. That’s all there is to it! You’ve Hacked Your Life!

I’ve recently made up a food allergy for myself. Are there alternatives for hypochondriacs like me?

Yes! Many successful users of the Sesame method have discovered the exciting world of food allergies in the last few years. We understand that not having a food allergy can be an isolating and uncomfortable experience. With the Sesame method, you can eat whatever crappy alternatives to regular food that you want!

Is the Sesame Diet the same as a a cleanse? All of my friends are cleansing!

You know you have great friends when they share details of their bowel movements with you! When you Hack Your Life with the Sesame Diet, you’ll look great and feel great, and the workings of your bowels are entirely up to you to share. Twitter is a great first step!

Is it true that Hacking Your Life with the Sesame Diet is based on ancient cultures and rituals? I love those!

When you Hack Your Life with the Sesame Diet, you’ll be carrying on the traditions of people throughout human history who ate less than you do! The Maori, Tuareg, Bedouin, Inuit and many other followers of ancient and beautiful cultures can  be said to be Hacking their Lives with the Sesame Diet.

What about Eastern Medicine?

Yes! That too.

Does the Sesame Diet include probiotics?

-Biotic is one of the hottest suffixes in the diet world today. When you Hack Your Life with the Sesame Diet, you’ll enjoy many benefits of probiotics, unavailable to those on abiotic, symbiotic, or antibiotic diets.

What other sorts of scientificish language supports your claims?

We’re glad you asked! Eating involves proteins, carbohydrates, and fats, made up of molecules! In your body, this molecules are subject to scientifically proven processes like digestion and excretion! This is what THEY don’t want you to know about!

Who’s “they?”

THEY. Doctors, nutritionists, and other researchers involved in the so-called health industry. THEY stand to lose BILLIONS if America chose Hack Your Life with the Sesame Diet. Think about it: if you were healthy, you wouldn’t need all of these so-called experts. The health and medical industrial complex only makes money when you are unhealthy, whereas the diet industry only makes money by making you healthy. Which side do you want to be on?

So who developed the methods behind Hacking Your Life with the Sesame Diet?

The Sesame Diet is has been reviewed by traditional healers, medicine men, herbalists, witch doctors, faith healers, orderlies, and scholars with Ph.D.s in comparative literature.

How much weight will I lose?

When you Hack Your Life with the Sesame Diet, the limit is up to you! When you encounter food, simply don’t eat it. Continue not eating it until you reach your desired weight! You’ve Hacked Your Life!

It’s hopeless, isn’t it?

Pretty much.

 

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , ,

3 thoughts on “FAQ on Hacking Your Life with the Sesame Diet!

  1. Jeanne says:

    OMG! This is the best by far! I want to Hack my life with the sesame diet!!! LMAO!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I can’t wait to get started!

  3. […] Eating this will help me lose weight. You’re a food company, trying to fight against all of the bad press of the obesity epidemic. What do you do? Rely on three things you know about Americans: we like to eat, we like to try and buy our way to solutions, and we’re kind of stupid. Whole Foods’ entire business model is based on those three principals. So is the entire vitamin and supplements industry. Make a claim about the relative health of this or that product, and we will buy it. I wanted to eat snacks. Rold Gold was lower in fat than Doritos. So I ate them, and surprisingly, I didn’t lose any weight. It turns out that to to lose weight, you shouldn’t eat different things – you should just eat a lot fewer things. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: